Most of you also know that a while back we learned that Tiffany had been living a lie, a double life almost, that came to a head when she found out she was pregnant. By the grace of God we were able to love her through the pain and continue to walk with her, showing her the grace that our God shows to us daily. Some of you know that after a short time we found out that she was still deceiving us, living another life behind our backs and lying to us at every turn. That discovery was especially difficult for Kelli because while I had held back a little of my heart after the first round of deception, Kelli had opened her whole self to Tiffany. I truly believe a piece of Kelli died that second time because she could not believe someone would deceive her so maliciously. However, by the grace of God we fulfilled our promise to Tiffany that she would always be a part of our family, no matter what she did or didn't do. She is our daughter and no amount of hurt or hate will ever change that.
Well, we have shared with some that the last few weeks have been wonderful. Tiffany had been showing us love, talking to us about her relationship with God, and answering tough questions when we asked them. However on Saturday... our "family day"... things just didn't add up. We finally caught her in the midst of more blatant and malicious lies and are still in a great deal of shock. Call us ignorant, call us crazy, but we chose to trust her again and for a third time she proved to us that her words have been empty and that she has never felt for us what we feel for her.
Sunday I had to have one of the hardest conversations of my life. I told Tiffany that we still love her, and I meant it. I told her that she will always be a part of our family, and I meant it. But I told her that I could no longer allow her to rip our family apart from the inside. I told her that God had placed this family in my care and I could not allow her to destroy us purposely and maliciously. I told her that I would never throw her out because people have done that her entire life but I truly believe that through her actions she has made the decision to leave.
I told her that we still want to walk with her through her pregnancy. We are still family. She is still welcome to call and come by but that she could no longer live in our house, purposely destroying us from the inside. We told her that everything in her room is hers, from the bed to the hangers, from the clothes to the bassinet. It's all hers and we will help her move it wherever she decides to go.
What are we feeling right now? I don't know that I can categorize it. I gave much more of my heart to Tiffany this third time. I feel like I've been taken into an alley and beaten to a bloody pulp, left for dead but still very much alive. Someone I love with so much of my heart sat across the table from me on Sunday and told me that she did not want Jesus. She told me she did not want my Savior, her Savior, my God and the one true God.
It feels as though Tiffany has punched my wife in the stomach and taken a lot of the spark out of her eyes. There is anger, frustration and pain... but honestly, we're mostly sad and broken. We're sad because we know Tiff didn't choose to be born into the life she was born into. We're sad that she has so many obstacles to overcome yet she continues to build more obstacles in front of her. We're broken because she confirmed what we had feared; that her relationship with God, much like her relationship with us was a scam, a way to survive. It was a show. It was fake. We're broken that this daughter that we love with all our hearts is on a path to hell and she seems completely okay with it.
Please pray for our family. We can honestly say that we have "hope" right now. A supernatural hope that only comes because of our relationship with God through Jesus. I don't think we are yet at peace with this. We want to hold Tiffany close but we know we have to let her run if she is ever going to decide to stop and come home. Pray for Tiffany. Pray that the Holy Spirit would draw her and that God is not through with her yet.
We have a prodigal daughter. Her name is Tiffany. Please pray that someday she makes the choice to come home. But even if she does not, we will not stop preaching the wonderful name of Jesus who works everything for the good of those who love him.